History: comments on round 1

Source of version: 1 (current)

((1)).i la cmendrik. goi ko'a puki zukte lenu lei ri xance cu kevna kei tu'a la prinsEs. .Alis,n. djOs,l,n.

The sticky past tense was unstuck by Craig, then untensed by Pierre, restored by And, untensed again by Jorge, made present by Rob and Xod and finally restituted by Evgeni.
I still think my translation was quite good <o'acu'ibu> : "Schmendrick was the agent of the action of making his hands hollow for the purpose of something to do with PAJ."
Craig must have missed my {kei} which would explain PAJ having a hole in her.
I should have written {djAs,l,n} (note my cmene to avoid translating princess)
I don't know whether the short final vowel in "Schmendrick" always making it into English was a good or a bad thing.

((2)).ibo ri cpare .u'inairo'o .uanairu'e fi le xirli'ustizu

I forgot the {dai} that I had intended to add after the attitudinals ; I don't know how I could have expressed them with tanru. Craig told me he couldn't work out the "in some confusion".
Pierre's {ri} unfortunately referred to the hands &&'s relative subsisted throughout.
It was also unfortunate that {cpare} is glossed both "climb" and "creep/crawl" with the effect climb -> creep -> slowly move -> ((slowly and tiredly))((move)) (I liked Xod's {jebo})
I don&#8217;t know whether an x1 of xirli'ustizu can fill the place of a direction, but I decided it was close enough. Thanks, And, for complimenting my "saddle" lujvo. I don't care much for either "horse-seat" or "horse-back-seat", but as Craig pointed out, it could have been some sort of carriage &#8211; only by reverse engineering that I would have said {karce} does the lujvo become fairly unambiguous.
cpare in this context almost warrants a zi'o in x2, pe'i it is also unstatisfactory for climbing up ladders and stairs.

((3)).i ko'a gasnu lenu le xirma cu carna kei secu'u di'e

I didn't write {cargau} because I find working out place-strctures for lujvo rather taxing ; I wasn't sure the x2 would be the object that is turned. Everyone else agreed with {cargau} though.
Using {C} is much nicer than assigning {ko'a}
I wasn't sure whether multiple utterances had their place in lu&#8230;li'u so I used di'e followed by tu'e&#8230;tu'u

((4))ki tu'e .i ju'o do bazi backla fu'i fo'a ni'i leza'i fo'a baca'a masno xirkla

This sentence got destroyed :^}
{ju'o} survived
I probably shouldn't have qualified the ba. I'm not quite sure why *i became *a.
I still can think of no better lujvo for "overtake" (-> exceed -> transcend).
I think fu'i can survive without the {dai}. Craig did, however, missunderstand it. Pierre translated Craig litterally. And restored the proper meaning and Xod restored the attitudinal.
I still think that ni'i is correct. (.ini'ibo also works). And inversed the cause and the consequence &#8211; otherwise it would have worked quite well.
The baca'a that wasn't necessary went through became ca'o and died.
I liked Jorge Rob and Xod's efforts at adding some sort of cmavo to make the sentence mean something (tezu'e, make sure to, a'i &#8211; I would have had a'idai)
I like Jorge's xirli'u better then xirkla



((5)).i fo'a xamgu nanmu gi'e banli leka vrirnau semau le vamji be roda poi telda'a

I made two lujvo mistakes in this sentence: It should have been {vrinau} and {terda'a}
I also should have put a {kei} after {vrinau}. What I put actually means "he is great in the property of being more a hero than any cause is worth"
I'm not sure that Pierre's introducing various attitudinals is very good from a translation point of view (that is, BTW also a problem with [http://nuzban.wiw.org/wiki/index.php?HamletAct1Scene1|Hamlet] , if you put an attitudinal in the play, it's as if you choose a tone of voice. If you don't because they're not there in the original, the lojban actor cannot express emotion without adding some &#8211; and he can't do this because it spoils the meter (not yet, but I hope to transform my prose into verse &#8211; some day) ''When there is a meter, an attitudinal can be added to the start of each line. It then adds a syllable to each line.''
"than any cause is worth", became  "than anything worth fighting over" -> ((read what xod wrote))
This bit didn't do as badly as I'd thought

((6)).i mi benji ro lemi tixnu be nolraitru ku fo'a

A pity about benji->dunda and Rob inversing the giver and the present (his only mistake, BTW). I forgot the {lo} before nolraitru. Any {***ti'u be mi} implies that there is a paternal relationship between Shmendrick and the princesses, as Evgeni translated. I would comment more but I'm getting a bit tired&#8230;

((7)).i fo'a selcme zo lir. tu'u

I chose {selcme} to preserve word-order (mi'e greg)
History: comments on round 1

Source of version: 1 (current)

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